John Cage (Ally McBeal)

John Cage (Ally McBeal)

John "The Biscuit" Cage is a fictional character from Ally McBeal and a legal savant.

Born circa 1966, John, a very intelligent boy, first enjoyed an average childhood which included a close circle of male friends. However, as adolescent commenced and girls became important in their lives, the short-stature John was estranged to the group because of his social awkwardness. In the vernacular, he was a nerd.

His advanced social retardation might be explained, in part, by his being a victim of Tourette, stress-induced stuttering, and a tendency toward involuntary nasal whistling. Having experienced embarrassing interactions with females and other distressing social interactions, John determined his acceptance lie in gaining success and wealth. Circa, 1997, John began a Boston based law firm, Cage and Fish, with his close friend Richard Fish with the stated goal of making huge piles money and having fun. Shortly after the establishment of the firm, Ally McBeal, a law school friend of Fish, was hired as an associate.

Aside from being co-senior partner, John was the firm’s expert litigator and closer. Acknowledged by colleagues both inside and outside of the firm as a brilliant and fearsome attorney, John used many techniques to manipulate the in-court environment and opposing counsels. He was known to bring to court gadgets as aids which would accidentally, apparently, activate during an opponent’s questioning of a witness or doing their closing arguments. Such gadgets included, but were not limited to an acetylene torch, a voice-activated toy monkey, squeaky-soled shoes, and a pig-call. He was also known to bring the proceedings to an abrupt halt by ‘taking a moment’, resulting in the court standing silent for a few seconds in observation. The laborious pouring of water from a pitcher into a glass or glasses was also a favored technique.

John began to emerge from his isolationist shell shortly after the hiring of Ally McBeal. He found in the other-directed McBeal a kindred spirit. As his friendship with the younger associate, and under the care of his therapist Tracy, brought him out socially, he was no longer merely the ‘odd little man’. An avid fan of the singer/composer Barry White, John channeled the sexy-voiced crooner’s style when he wished to interact romantically with the opposite sex. His favorite Barry White tune was ‘Can’t Get Enough Of Your Love’. John began to enjoy an active dating and sex-life which included relationships with the elitist ‘ice-queen’ Nelle Porter, the conservative and equally socially inept Kimmy, Melanie the severe Tourette’s suffer, and even a brief flirtation with McBeal herself.

Eventually, for both financial and self-exploration reasons, John left the firm as a full-time partner. He joined a Mexican restaurant’s mariachi band and was very happy with the career choice.


External links

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